A Trip Through My Mind


Early last year, I decided to take some psychedelic mushrooms. I also decided that I should keep a notebook near me and write down my experience.  This is because, for me, taking psychedelic mushrooms is akin to being an explorer going into some uncharted lands, and I wanted to record my discoveries for my future, sober self.  I recently re-discovered this notebook, and have decided to transcribe (as best I can) what I wrote and experienced on that journey.  I will try the best I can to transcribe it, as much of the writing is illegible.  Some of the writing was very large, some was very tiny, some was written very precisely and some was written as squiggly as possible.  The majority of it had no respect for the lines of the pages in the notebook.  I recall also that, often, as I was writing, I became intrigued by the lines I was creating and therefore would go off and start drawing instead of finishing what I was writing. There are also some pictures, which at the time of creation seemed to be very beautiful and well-executed, but now are absolutely nothing but squiggled lines.  I will write each little anecdote as it appears, and then try to explain what I was thinking or where it came from.  I will also write them in the order in which they appear in the notebook, which most likely is chronologically accurate to where I was in the trip.

 

“Manumission Society sends out it’s godly wishes and a steady return to yesteryear.  Have a godly merrywishes of licorice [? Not sure that is the word written].  We are very sprite indeed.  A little carried away and besides ourselves.  Let’s have us a little listen again then shall we?  Me and the men, upon enchanting ourselves a second listen decided well enough to listen again.  Year of our lord 1829 and many thanks to God and the king we are just having a fine enough time without any such nonsense.  Wishing you all well back @ home send more apes in gorilla suits we ate all our bannans yesteryear Bye by Benny Goodman & Science Boys ‘82”

 

Just another note, I have kept the grammar and spellings the way they appear in the writing, anything in [ ] is not included in the writing but an editorial note.  So, at this time I was reading a biography of Alexander Hamilton, who apparently was part of a Manumission Society, (an abolitionist group) I remember that this word was stuck in my head even before tripping, so it appears many times in these writings as well.  Also, it may explain why I keep referencing to myself as someone from the past.  The song I keep listening to “little listen” is called “Neo Violence” by a Swedish group called Tough Alliance.  During this trip, I kept watching the music video for it online, probably a dozen times.  It has very tribal beats which probably explains why I think I’m some white explorer on a tropical island in the 1800s.  Again, I view tripping as an exploration so it makes sense why I would think of myself as some explorer in a strange land, with an added importance, because apparently I am reporting back to the King who sent me out to gather information.  Also, “Benny Goodman & the Science Boys” would be an awesome name for a band, maybe even just “The Science Boys.”  Either way, that’s my band name if I ever get one.

“Brother Panda Bear would have us believe into a whole other thing altogether Not any less any startying or powerful thing [? Tried really hard to figure those last 5 words out, no idea]  I almost forgot I almost forgot all about this It could have been hundreds of years ago.  But it was only seconds ago history.  Thanks goodly for all these good drugs that keep spilling rays [?] the page like that.  It’s quite amazing.  I love it.  Magical.  This little expedition you sent me on is ever so much fun liberating and educating that’s the Word I was looking for thanks.  When the musics gone it’s like I miss out on a whole other element altogether  [Following is written in the bottom corner of the page]  Let’s Have Us a little Listen (lesson) then…”

 

So this page was interesting, it starts off talking about another musician, Panda Bear, whose song “Bros” I listened to while tripping as well. There also was this idea I had that time was all happening at the same moment, so that I could be in the 1800s for instance but writing in 2009.  This idea of “everything is everything” is something I keep coming to the conclusion of whenever I trip.  Also, while I was tripping, I was seeing colors across the page, and the ink was coming out in rainbows, so that is the reference there about spilling rays I think I wrote; hard to read.  Also, when tripping I seem to view my sober self as an entirely different entity altogether, which is why I am thanking “you” for taking mushrooms basically, although referring to myself.  Also, the last sentence before the note on the bottom corner, became increasing large and illegible, as it went down the page.  I also guess I thought I was learning a lot from listening to the music, listen lesson thing.

 

“I feel like a dragon being born [On top of page – next is on middle of page]  I broke free from my manumissions Original design Or intent yesteryear”

 

Yowza, this page doesn’t have too much writing.  After the bit I wrote are some drawings that consist of circles, lines, and a triangle.  No idea what I was trying to draw, probably just enjoying seeing the ink coming out of my pen in colors.  I believe at various times I would just have my head on the paper staring at my writing happening.  The writing is pretty shaky here and the word yesteryear is basically illegible but I’m sure it’s what I wrote, as I kept bringing it up.  I think I will actually scan these pages and add them to this entry.

 

“Perk up system [? Don’t know about that whole line]  Pretty Hoses & pretty for all the little girls Before Us”

 

There is a drawing of what I believe to be a dragon on the top of this page and then the writing is written very large.  I’ll definitely have to scan images.

“I’ll drove boneth real me [? No fucking idea]  Hocus Pocus  Look lots of colors Too [and near a drawing I wrote:] It’s a monster see

 

This page is absolute shit, I must have been tripping hard here, things are written on top of other writings, there’s random drawings, things are written all over the page.  The writing is pretty awfully illegible.

 

“Damn them all Wake Up the Neighbors Then”

 

This is scrawled out in huge letters, at an angle, on one page.  I think, maybe, for a second, I got worried that my music was too loud, even though I was home alone and my house isn’t remotely close enough to any other houses for them to hear anything going on inside, regardless of the volume.

 

“What else Can I be?  I’m a whale of course [that was written on top of page]  That was a little sane thing for the kids [that was written on top left of page]  For my claily Ablution Adults come set to to put so tran from Limit Lord of Creation [That whole preceding part is way too illegible, no idea, the word Ablution and Lord are the only clear words]  I’ll @ rest now leave [That’s written on bottom left of page]  Now Don’t Even Know [That’s on bottom of page]”

 

The only good part about that page was my conclusion that I am apparently a whale, all the rest is totally illegible, oh the part about a sane thing for the kids was cute too.

 

“So wrote the Great Poet in the parlence of our times.  Oh No Never let us encroach [The rest runs down the center of the page]  We are all part of your tribe brother Whale first son of Octopus the Great Destroyer of Joshua”

 

Well my name is Joshua, so it is interesting that I am viewing Joshua as being destroyed here, some sort of whale figure seems to have taken me away and held me hostage from my real self.  Don’t know where the whale imagery came from, or octopus; well octopus probably came from the whale reference, but don’t know how whale got into my head.  Wasn’t looking at any at the time, or anytime before that.

 

“ Turkish Witches Corn and Brash [That is written in top left corner]  Esq [written on top of page] Forever and on [written to right of Esq]  I remember her you signing that before.  That’s playing tricks.  Someone in the 1770s could get awfully hurt [And then in bigger letters]  I’m okay with it So Why aren’t you as well [signed] Benjamin Franklin”

 

So, this comes up with that other motif that occurs while I was tripping, the notion that time is all occurring at the same moment.  I suddenly imagined that what I was writing was appearing in front of people in the 1700s (Benjamin Franklin) .  As if they were sitting in front of a piece of paper and seeing words appearing on their paper (the words I was writing) and of course that would be terribly frightening to them which is why I seemed concerned.  Then, to assuage my fears, Benjamin Franklin reversed what I did, and wrote me a note.

 

“Yes for I am the salamander but what yet deeper still [On top of page, almost as a title]  Salamander King prince poet Conqueror of all therein or yet beyond.  All that can be perceived yet to have been done and still yet to be pondered upon.  I have done all accomplished and seen all there is and yet here I am still in this moment continued therein.  All and same as one forever and never was, today and forthwith.  My breath shall be it’s sign [and below this]  Why Not?

 

So, now it starts getting pretty deep.  This again, in it’s weird way, is about that tripped out notion that everything is everything.  About how everything that can ever happen or be imagined or thought of has already happened, therefore there are no discoveries or inventions, just realizations of things we already knew and that have already existed.  We all have all the knowledge that has ever occurred or will occur within us, it’s just a matter of recognizing it.

 

“Thank mother for letting us Vacation so lovely Ever Signed Whitmore & Sons November [something scribbled probably a date]”

 

Now that I am reading this again, I realize that this is not chronological.  I would just flip through pages to write something down, or flip back, just a matter of finding a blank spot to write.  This particular one is written in huge letters at an angle and as it goes toward the bottom right corner it gets smaller until I can’t read what comes after November.  Who knows who Whitmore or his sons are.

 

“Stop Being such A Boore [written on top of page, with the “e” at end of boore tailing off the page altogether]  What Is all I embrace this trash?  You Jus Koo.  Her’s A Martini To feel better [next to a not bad drawing of a martini glass with a olive with a toothpick in it]”

 

This page is rubbish, there are drawings around, the martini glass is pretty good, I don’t think it started off as one, just random lines but then I realized what it looked like so I garnished it with an olive on a toothpick.

 

“Because for a moment I am the Universal glue that which holds all life existence space time Whatever Together [to the left of this on page is] All of my thoughts and breath occupy the same space Far Out”

 

Whoa, so deep again, my mom would love reading stuff like this.  Again, it’s that trippy notion of everything being everything.  How even thoughts have to exist as something and wherever they are they are in the same plane as something like air or our breath.

 

“Permit me to move on to rainbow space [That was on top of page]  Much togetherness foreverness that bond Which never breaks flows through all [That was on left of page]  Into my hearts forever grateful and Beyond Love Forever [That was on right of page]  Glowingness Growingness Togetherness All of it Together Forever [That was on lower left of page]  This is where Woodrow Wilson and out of Space fish live [That was on middle of page]  All the fish and everything are trying to communicate Together out of the Sea [?]”

 

I like this page a lot.  How can anyone argue with drug use after this?  Look how happy and peaceful I am, I would never, ever, ever, say things like that in normal life.  I love the term “rainbow space” and the phrase “out of space” instead of “outer space”.  Don’t know where all these aquatic references sprang forth from.  Perhaps a psychoanalyst would suggest that the subconscious is often symbolized by water, which is true, often dreams have water in them.

 

“He’s not pretty enough for little girls?  No?  Not pretty enough for you even [?]  [Top left of page]  Shit und [?] piss kindly [?] enough for em boys [?]  These are things that seemed to come up most was pissing and shitting Through it all that is what supercedes them all  [that was on right side of page]  Together Forever together to free fly forever and ever and never ever was [and finally on left bottom of page] To free fly together forever there never was”

So at some point, I got up to go to the bathroom, which also leads to staying there a long time, due to the mirrors.  You start having a grand old time, finally having someone to interact with (yourself) with those mirrors.  But, anyway, I had wanted to trip to sort of see if I could break the bounds of this dimension and communicate with my father who passed away.  And while in the bathroom, I came up with a song about him.  About a day before he died, he told me he was leaving, and I told him he wasn’t to which he replied “you’ll see, I’m going to fly” and when I asked him where he was going to fly to he responded “to the moon!”  So, in my head that was there, and I created a song, which I probably must have sang aloud, in the bathroom for 10 – 20 minutes.  It went something like “together, forever, to fly free together, forever and ever and never was”  And it just kept repeating over and over, sometimes changing up to “together forever to free fly together forever and never and ever to was.”  It was a grand old time and I was laughing to myself, having a moment with my father, so in a way my mission was accomplished.  This is all I have written, I will try to scan the images and add them to the appropriate areas of the blog.  Goodnight.  I wrote this on a bus to save time to do other things while I am home for the weekend.  I don’t know why I added that part, just a little FYI.

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